This is a tough chapter for me it takes me back to a time in my life that the only good thing I had in my life was my horse....which by itself would be OK.....now if only there wasn't all the other crap that was going on too.
We had settled comfortably into our new life style. I was getting stronger all the time. I was able to ride every day for longer periods....Tex and I were really learning how to ride with each other. During all this riding and getting back to health( or something like it)I started to notice a big change in my partner Rick.....it was not a pleasant change. The more time I spent getting out and about seeing friends and slowly but surely getting back to a bit of normalcy....the more withdrawn and unpleasant he became. I am not going to go into any details here but I have to say that his behavior finally made it impossible to be with him.I guess I have to give a little info or it just won't make sense.Rick decided the best way to keep me from going was by threatening to not allow me to take my horses....specifically Tex....who under no circumstances was going to be left behind. That particular threat didn't concern me too much, I knew I could get my horses....but I did not want to be there because honestly he was scaring me ....a lot. I told him I was moving out and the threat he uttered then stopped me in my tracks....he said he would kill my horses......Yes you read right. Honestly would he have done that, I don't know ...I would like to think that I would never be with someone that could do such a thing.....but the fact that he said it was more than enough proof to me that it was time to move on. I stayed at my friends house that night and her boyfriend gave me a ride home in the morning. When I got there the first thing I did was check the horses...big sigh of relief.... all well there. As soon as I opened the door to go into the house I knew something was wrong....The house was cold , my birds were squawking and pretty upset.I went into the living room and found Rick, he had decided to do the chicken sh#t thing and take his own life....it wasn't something I could have anticipated.... never would have thought he was the type, how does one handle that. So needless to say the next few hours were a bit of a blur with all the appropriate people scurrying all over the place.In stressful situations my self preservation mode kicks in, I shut myself down.The noise from all the people became a dull roar, I just tuned them all out. I went and did my chores. At least that was a sane activity I could deal with. I went and sat with the horses while they munched away, unconcerned with all the people and noise surrounding them.Tex knew things weren't right and he came and stood beside me.....still as a statue....my sentinel....blocking out the sights and sounds.....steady and calm.....once again there as my support. He stayed with me until I had to go deal with all the other crap.